Waterdaughter
rethguadretaW
|
Waterdaughter
|
|
|
6/30/2005 (7:00 pm) - I did some thinking this afternoon. The perception I had held of myself has changed somehow. I'm not sure, but I think it might have something to do with being on leave and not working. I am enjoying the time off, but am becoming more and more aware of the feeling that I am not using my talents and abilities as much as I used to. I could ramble on and on, but know that won't do much good. I want things in life that, at least right now, my heart is saying "Go for it" but my head is saying "What the hell are you thinking?" I hate that tug of war... But there is something else going on. I am not sure I know who I am any more. Maybe that has something to do with Scott working now and that I don't feel that I have to be "responsible" for everything any longer. Just another thing for me to ponder as I crochet I suppose. Seems that I'm doing more of that than anything, both pondering and crocheting. How true is this: "What we are never changes, but who we are never stops changing." 6/30/2005 - (afternoon sometime) Scott and I are going to do some firework shopping tomorrow. We both love the 4th of July, him for the explosives and being able to legally play with them, me for the freedoms that the holiday represents. A completely unrelated thought, but I've started one sentence 5 times and deleted it all 5 times ... I think I'm going to stop trying to think about what I want to say and just say it, however right now what I want to say isn't something that I want everyone to read right now. This is really starting to tick me off too ... why on earth do I keep typing thing when I am trying to type think It's not like the letters are close on the keyboard and even require different hands to type (unless you use the one finger typing method) it is making me nuts ... BLEH 6/28/2005 - Hey y'all... as I type it is about 10:30pm. I've been feeling pretty darned good lately! The muscles on the right side of my neck are still pretty tight, making it a little difficult to turn my head to the left, but I keep working it a little at a time and if it hurts I guess I don't notice it as much any more. Scott reminded me that Dr. Helvig warned me about experiencing "hot flashes", but I whine about it anyway. I guess there will be many other changes coming, but I'm really trying to not think about them at all and just enjoy (or get through) each day as it comes. Yesterday Scott had orientation during the day, but tonight was his first full night of work and I have to say that it's strange not having him here. He'll work 4 10 hour days and have 3 day weekends... a mixed blessing? I've been trying to figure out what I want to do with one of the empty bedrooms ... I already have an office/computer room and have been entertaining the idea of turning that bedroom into a craft room for me to store my supplies and projects in, as well has having a work area in -- but at the same time I would like to have it still be a guest room. I've been doing so much crocheting now that I have the time, I had forgotten how much I enjoy creating afghans... I am on row 55 now (looks like I'm getting about 13 or so rows done each day). Oh, and the yarn I ordered for the other afghan I started arrived today! I know I'm strange, but I was thrilled when the Fed Ex truck pulled in, like a child on Christmas morning! I feel like I'm rambling and really have nothing else to write about, so guess it's a good time to stop typing. 6/27/2005 - I started reading a book called "Everyday Karma" by Carmen Harra ... what is interesting to me is that I'm finding so many parallels to what I was raised to believe. I want to read more of the book before I write more about it. Interesting tidbit - Grandpa Wyss passed on when I was 8 (I think) and I didn't know him very well at all and have very few memories of him. This morning I was thinking about him and pondering about how my life would be different if he had lived longer and I had gotten to know him better, then this afternoon the postmaster delivered a package from my aunt & uncle. They had sent me a "get well" package and one of the gifts was a stuffed sheep named "Sonny". On the back of the tag was a reminder from my aunt that Grandpa Wyss's nickname had been Sonny. As I said, interesting tidbit. Scott's home now and dinner is ready, so I'll write more later... 6/25/2005 (7:15pm) - Today Scott helped me get the cabinet in the house, then I spent time during the afternoon hours assembling and filling it. I am glad I bought it now. Before I had everything sitting out in the open on an unfinished pine shelving unit so there was no real organization and every item was covered in dust, but now it is protected (and hidden). Additionally, because the cabinet has built in dividers it was easier for me to organize all my stuff. I still have quite a bit more work to do to get the kitchen organized, but I feel like I'm on my way now. I do wish I had bought two of those cabinets now so I could house all of my craft stuff in one place. I just have to keep reminding myself that it is important for me to have patience, both with my housework and with myself. I think I may have over done things a little bit today because it really bothers me (hurts) when I tilt my head to the left ... think I'll call it a day, take a couple pain pills and settle in my comfy chair with my crocheting and remote! (I'm up to row 17 now ... 134 rows to go...) Earlier this week I had started a different afghan using yarn that I had purchased several years ago, but of course I didn't buy enough to complete an afghan and none of the shops in Sioux Falls carry that brand/color any longer so I resorted to ordering it online. As it turns out, with shipping charges included, I'm only paying 10 cents more per skein buying it online and I don't have to drive anywhere to pick it up... I love having things delivered to my door. I'm off to find food and Darvoset. ~ Love & hugs to all ~ 6/25/2005 (2:00am) - Good morning everyone! It is almost 2:00am here and as luck would have it I just can't seem to sleep. I found a new afghan pattern I'm kind of excited about because it is forcing me to learn how to do a cable stitch, thing is I just don't think it looks like the picture so I've started over 5 times now. I worked on it pretty much all evening and am only on the 9th row, only 142 rows left to go! I started to doze off a couple of times while working on an afghan so I thought I would go to bed, unfortunately Trouble decided that it was time to startle me awake instead. Silly cat jumped onto the bed from the dresser, right in front of my face and since I sleep pretty much on the edge of the bed there is approximately 3 inches for her to land on! OH, guess what I did yesterday ... that's right, I drove into Sioux Falls alone! I am trying to get my kitchen more organized and just am not happy with the storage situation, so wanted to check out the Habitat ReStore to see what kind of stuff they have in stock right now ... not much for cabinets, but tons of doors! I also checked at some of the other discount places, but finally wound up buying a cabinet that is on sale at Shopko. I told Scott I would take care of getting it into the house, but didn't have the ambition to do it after I got home, so that's my project for later today. I'm rather tempted to go pick up another one while they are still on sale because I've got so many crafting items that I also need to get organized, but think it best to hold off until I see how much storage the cabinet actually has to offer. And now I'm starting to ramble, so think I'll try sleeping again. 6/23/2005 - It's about 10:15pm right now, so I guess this is kind of a late entry. The "thyroid glob" test results came back and there is evidence of remaining thyroid tissue, but that should be destroyed after the radioactive iodine therapy on July 28th. Actually, I'm not sure why they bothered calling me with the results of that test ... it's not like it makes any difference or changes anything for me. Related but unrelated item of interest (at least to me) - I can turn my head further in both directions. The areas on either side of the scar are extremely tense and tight right now, and I can't stand to have fabric touch my skin on those areas. I'm hoping that is just a temporary thing. I found out Wednesday afternoon that Met Life has approved my STD through July 25th. I'm waiting to receive the letter of confirmation before calling the STD representative, but it just doesn't make much sense to me to have to return to work on that Monday, then turn around and have to take Thursday, Friday and the following Monday off (because I'll be radioactive and can't be around people on those days) ... and then have to take that Thursday off for the whole body scan ... does it make sense to anyone else? I've already had my fill of medical insurance and doctors.... **** SIGH **** Good news on the job front for Scott ... he starts at Arctic Cat in Madison, SD on Monday. Assuming the UA and background check both pass, after Monday's orientation, he'll be working 2nd shift. As a couple, we'll just have to deal with the hours - and the shift differential is nice. We'll see how the first month goes, but I'm thinking that we are going to have to find a cheap, fuel efficient car soon because it's an hour drive (one way) and my truck isn't exactly fuel friendly ... but one thing at a time. Sorry all, I'm going to cut this entry short because Darvoset just isn't cutting it any more and the tension in my neck and jaw is making it difficult to focus on what I wanted to type tonight. 6/20/2005 - Happy Anniversary to my mom & dad! Yesterday afternoon I finished another afghan. I'm pleased with the way it turned out. Scott wrapped up in it right away and from the looks of things slept under it last night. It is big enough to cover a queen sized bed, but it isn't as heavy as some of the other afghans I've made. I don't have much else to say today...
6/18/2005 - Well, Roxie and Miles left yesterday morning. After having family members around for the better part of the past two weeks, it was really quiet and sort of hard to get used to after they left. Today was a little more "normal". I made a couple discoveries today, first of which being I'm not quite ready to drive alone yet (tested it out by driving to the local convenience store and back). I can do it if I have to, but it is still very uncomfortable for me to turn my head very far in either direction... It does get better every day. The other discovery I made is that my computer desk set up is just wrong. I experienced more pain this afternoon after spending about 2 hours at my computer this morning than I have since I was released from the hospital. Pretty much sucks because I spend so much time using my computer when I'm home. Oh well, this will get easier and less painful in time and I'm not about to give up! To help entertain myself without using the computer, I've started crocheting again. I completed one project while Roxie was here ... it felt good to have a project completed until I spread the afghan out and saw how misshapen it turned out. Roxie and Scott couldn't stop giggling as they tried to placate me by saying that no one would ever know (as long as they keep it crumpled up and didn't spread it out). Sad thing is that I had planned on it being used as a blanket for a bed and you can definitely see that one end is wider than the other end. I'm contemplating taking it apart and starting over - Scott thinks I'm nuts, but it bothers me to leave it like that, knowing that the yarn I used is discontinued. I am a big fan of symmetry when it comes to blankets and afghans (plus I'm a closet perfectionist). I decided to put off doing anything with it until I finish another afghan I had started a couple of years ago. Since I started crocheting, all of my afghan projects have used Granny squares, except the afghan I just finished ... I think the reason that afghan turned out uneven is because I did the entire thing in double stitch, so I added a stitch or two every time I turned it ... just a theory anyway. Considering how much I'm obsessing about it, I should just rip it out and start over. The yarn is so soft and comforting, I really want it to look as wonderful as it feels. (I know, Mom would tell me that whoever received the afghan will love it because I made it, not because it folds correctly.) Ok, enough for now... my neck is starting to get all tense and tingly again. Love & hugs y'all 6/15/2005 - Sorry I've not updated my site in a bit over a week. Surgery went very good and I'm feeling a bit stiff, and my neck is tender, but for the most part numb, so I can't really tell if it hurts or not. I met with Dr. Helvig, the surgeon, yesterday to have the staples removed. She was pleased with the progress I'm making. Today I met with Dr. Oppenheimer, who is taking over my care now that surgery is over. He took me off Synthroid and put me on Cytomel for 4 weeks, so from tomorrow until July 14th I'll be taking Cytomel twice a day. From July 14th until July 28th I won't be on any thyroid medication, which is when I'll be all weak, tired and irritable. Dr. Oppenheimer said that I would "move slow, think slow, be very cold and irritable" during this time ... now doesn't that sound like a party? Anyway, on July 28th I get to go to the hospital to have my first (and hopefully only) dose of radioactive iodine. On July 31 I start taking Synthroid again and need to impose a "self isolation" on myself from July 28 until July 31 or August 1 so I don't expose anyone else to my radioactive self. I think we'll probably wind up moving the TV into the bedroom and maybe even my computer during that time because if I can't be around humans I can't be around my animals either and neither of us really want to take any chances. Then on August 4th I go in for the whole body scan and see Dr. Oppenheimer again to review the scan results to see if the cancer had spread or if the radioactive iodine treatment got it all. From what I understand, if the cancer spread I'll have to undergo another radioactive iodine treatment ... so we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Mom had quite a time on her trip out to see me, as I mentioned on the 6th. As it turned out, the car was not repairable, so Scott drove to Blue Earth, MN to pick Mom up while I was in surgery. He must have been flying because I was only in surgery for about 3 hours and he arrived at the hospital with Mom just before they wheeled me into my room. I was just thankful that it worked out and everyone was safe. Dad's truck gave him some alternator trouble on his way out to pick up the car, so he called me at the hospital to make sure I understood why he couldn't come spend a little time with me also. It was good to hear from him and of course I understood. All that was really important to me was that he made it back home safe, which he did. Roxie arrived here on Monday night so the 4 of us all went to Dr. Helvig's office Tuesday morning. Roxie and Mom waited in the waiting room while Scott distracted me so Dr. Helvig could remove the staples without me whining and such. It only took about 10 minutes for her to take all the staples out, but it was quite a relief to me when it was all said and done. Then Mom drove Roxie's jeep back home and Miles (Roxie's hubby) will be here tomorrow. Both he and Roxie are going to head to Deadwood on Friday for the Big & Rich concert. It's been good having family around me the past couple weeks ... and at the same time I'm rather looking forward to having life back to "normal" too (well, until I get on Scott's nerves so bad he's ready to ship me off to Timbuktu). Thanks for tuning in! 6/6/2005 - Well, the day is almost upon me now... I was really touched today by the outpouring of caring support that I received from everyone at the office. I was blessed with several items to help make my recuperation go quickly. So I'll be sitting out in the back yard on my new lounge chair with my bubbles, squirt gun, books, munchies and a frozen rum drink & just relax and soak in the sun! I felt like I was moving away or something. I guess I never thought about how strange this must be for all of them too. I don't think I've missed more than 10 days of work due to illness in the 11 years that I've lived out here, and have only taken week long vacations once or twice a year in that same time frame. I'm really starting to get nervous about surgery. I did pretty good today at work, only got teary eyed a couple of times, but now that I'm home the butterflies and "what if" thoughts are back. Mom had car trouble on her way here, so won't be here until tomorrow sometime. She commented that there must be some reason that she is not supposed to be with me tomorrow morning. She sounded so sad, but there is nothing that anyone could have done to change it and all of the repair shops are closed until tomorrow morning. Scott offered to go pick her up, as it's only a two hour drive from here. She decided to get a room at the Super 8 in Blue Earth and have them fix her car right away in the morning. Anyone who remembers my first trip home after moving to South Dakota should remember my Blue Earth experience, so I know that the people there are really friendly and the Super 8 is very nice. I swear that town has something against our cars! I know that everything will turn out the way it is supposed to and am pretty sure that I'll be better, emotionally, after I know how the surgery went. Then I can go about the business of recovering. Look for my next update this weekend, assuming all goes as planned. The insurance adjuster was here today and said that the water spots on my living room ceiling would be covered by insurance, as would the repairs to the roof (ie plugging the holes with silicon) but he also said that the roof itself needs serious repairs. Naturally, replacing the roof is not covered by my insurance ... the roof is 15 years old and they used cheaper shingles, so they don't last as long. Just a guess, but it will probably be about a $5,000 repair bill with labor and materials. BLEH! 6/1/2005 - It's June already. I should be happy, but there is a cloud cover looming over me that doesn't seem to want to break up for anything. I feel like I am leading two different lives. I am able to present a strong "everything will be alright" front at work and keep it up all day long, but when I get home I let all the pent up anxiety out and become a clingy, scared cry-baby. Some days I feel rather like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde incarnate - less all the vile and evil stuff - just the extreme opposite personalities. It's not fair to Scott... I try to squish the "what if" thoughts, but the more I try the louder they scream in my head. Seems a vicious cycle. |
|
Send mail to
mswaterman@alliancecom.net with
questions or comments about this web site.
|
